Asking = Giving
I’m five months out from my open heart surgery as of this weekend (I had a valve replacement operation on January 29th). It actually still feels very raw and recent. People are asking regularly how I am and I feel obligated to say, “feeling great!” The reality is I’m about 76%. I experience emotional swings that are pretty huge, I’m mentally not as sharp as I remember myself to be, and physically, I’m still acutely aware of my chest and the trauma it went through. I’m pretty sure my Chi is still messed up. Lots of energy re-organizing is happening right now.
Let’s be clear, though. I’m feeling incredibly grateful to be here this morning, sitting in the community room @ Brooklyn Music Factory typing up this blog post. Certainly no complaints from me. It’s just that to be perfectly honest, I still don’t quite feel myself. I am not fully in my body as I remember it to feel like. It’s like seeing a picture of myself that is still slightly out of focus…and I am waiting for it to return to it’s vivid self. There just doesn’t exist a crystal clear time line.
Needing help and asking for it are two things I struggle with.
I grew up in New England, my relatives came over on the Mayflower. I was raised through generations of puritans that you work your way out of a rut. Nose to the grindstone. Work the land. Take care of yourself. Stay in control. Stay independent. And whatever you do, do NOT rely on others. Ever!
Bottom line is I’m happy to give help, advice, teach you, mentor your child, guide my faculty, but having to ask for help, advice, guidance, that’s a whole other story!
One Brooklyn Music Factory mom shared an idea that has stuck with me and helped, though. She said that by asking for help, I am in fact giving.
When I ask for help, I give license to others to offer help and ultimately that is what they want to do. Asking = Giving. I had never ever thought of it in those terms.
Asking = Giving.
Yes, it requires giving up lots of control. Yes, it is admitting that I cannot get to 100% alone. Yes, it indeed opens me up to someone saying, “no, I cannot help you.” It opens me up to the pain of refusal and needing to ask again and again. But this year has taught me that needing help is, in fact, as base a human instinct as may exist. And it has, I believe, made me a better person. It has made me more grateful. It has slowed me down. It has moved me towards seeing my life as abundant and full of gifts.
Last week I launched a KICKSTARTER campaign to ask for help (lots of help…$30,000 worth). Brooklyn Music Factory is building an amazing new Drum Studio and recording room. I’ve never ever really been comfortable asking for money (that’s why we have incredible staff like Hilary!). But I’m now reading a book called, “To Ask is Human.” And so…in my effort to change my ways, I am opening myself to the possibility of failure (we only have 26 days remaining and still need $28,000)…but at least I am asking for help.
You can learn more by clicking HERE.
Either way, please do yourself a favor today and ask someone for assistance with something. Anything. Today I asked my wife to please make me a piece of toast because I was running late this morning. Simple…not really actually. Try it.